At one time marriage was not put off to accomplish certain goals. But through marriage a couple would learn and attain goals together. These goals included education, home and finical stability. Today we have a new period of adulthood that is referred to as “emerging adulthood.” This new period in life has greatly influenced the falling apart of courtship and marriage.
Emerging adulthood is the period between adolescence and adulthood. Marriage is delayed and the focus of self takes place. The focus is on personal independence. Financial independence, sexual permissiveness and many couples living together before marriage are all reason for the delay of marriage. It is an attitude of “When you are ready to get divorce you are ready to get married.”This period lasts about 10 years. This period of time can affect a future marriage as the person become so independent that it could weaken a marriage as the individual doesn’t want or is challenged on becoming one with their spouse.
With our cultures views changing on marriage and the transition into adulthood, the value and purpose of marriage has not changed from Gods plan.
Look up the following scriptures (Moses 3:18) (1 Corinthians 11:11) (DC 49:15-16)
In the proclamation it says marriage “is essential to His eternal plan”for”the eternal destiny of His Children.
How do we prepare for marriage and teach our children this process also?
Read a few of these articles. Dating versus hanging out, Dallin h oaks, Dating advice from the prophets and apostles new era 2010.
marriage-prep-101
"Men, if you have returned from your mission and
you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to
follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your
courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of
dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good
prospect, proceed to courtship. It's marriage time. That is what the
Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters. Men have the
initiative, and you men should get on with it. If you don't know what a
date is, perhaps this definition will help. I heard it from my
18-year-old granddaughter. A 'date' must pass the test of three p's: (1)
planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off.
"Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are
simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don't make it easy for young men to
hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don't subsidize
freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men
who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I
think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door. . . .
"My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations
with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to
mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the
prospect to mature into team sports like touch football. Marriage is not
a group activity—at least, not until the children come along in goodly
numbers."
Remember dates don't have to be expensive. They need to be intentional and planned. For example my Aunt and Uncle have a date every Friday night. Often that is them alone on the couch watching a movie. They also have a date every Sunday morning and go for breakfast and leave the kids at home (they are obviously not LDS, but you get the idea) They also taught me that even running errans to the grocery store can be a date by buying a small treat. The point is do it together and do it often.
How was your dating experience before you were married? Did you follow the advice given in the articles?
How will you teach your children how to date?
How will you continue dating after marriage? Why is dating after marriage needed? Are you really hanging out when you should be dating each other?
If you don't have regular dates find the things that prevent you from doing it. How will you not let these things get in the way in the future?
Resource
Holman,Thomas, Poulsen Frank, The ABCs of Successful Romantic Relationship Development:Meeting,Dating, and Choosing an Eternal Companion.2012 Brigham Young University
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